just a bunch of silliness really

maybe one day these words will find a song. for now they are just some words.

riveted to this place is not
where i am to be but out there
anywhere please send
me i will go; just tell me I just want to feel free
or even dare to feel


gasp for breath above the tide
it will not pull you down. the sun
still shines baby can't you see the
starfish between my toes laugh
and seaweed twirls through my hair.
this is not your greatest enemy but a
friendship in conflict. little girl
stand up and laugh into the wind for
you are not one to be defeated.
the voice of defeat does not find roots in your song.


silly boy just hold her hand and take her
by the sea. there you will find the crashing waves
will drown out the sound of your pounding heart.
so chill little boy and smile for she holds you dear.

starsucks

This past weekend i found myself rushing to catch a ferry across the Georgia Strait to hang out with some great people for a day. Being 7:30 in the morning, i thought i would grab a cup of something hot to wake me up. So...i walked over to the Starbucks in the ferry terminal, stepped in line, and ordered my tall vanilla americano misto. Not that i'm a coffee snob or anything, i just like options, and if there's options, i will take them. especially if i'm paying 3.75 for it. However, as we were being herded into the ferry like a bunch of cattle i noticed something disturbing...i glanced quickly around to see if i could find anyone NOT holding a Starbucks cup. With the dozens of people surrounding me, i could only find a couple. i don't know why this disturbed me so much. I wished that i had brought my own travel mug, letting the world know that i value saving the environment. Or i wished i had purchased coffee on my way there from a small lesser-known coffee company letting everyone know that i know a little secret place that makes the best coffee for half the price of Starsucks. I felt like a conformist. like one of them...one of everybody. and it bothered me. Geez danielle it's just a cup of coffee! but i couldn't handle it, i threw it in the first garbage can i saw. It was a crappy vanilla americano misto anyways. I don't think i'm going to completely boycott starbucks because in that way i'll label myself as a person who boycotts starbucks and this will raise questions from people and thus draw further attention to myself. By not wanting to be a conformist, it doesn't mean i want to stand out. i just want to be me. I want to be like Donald Miller and not feel the need to buy something at every pit stop just to feel different about myself. I don't want to hold a starbucks cup like it's part of my identity. Do you feel less important if you're holding a cup from 7-11? Do they actually have the best coffee or is that just what we tell ourselves so we can fit into this coffee culture who demands their Quad Grande 3-pump Mocha 3-pump Vanilla Light Mocha Drizzle Light Whip Cafe Mocha...oh and make that extra hot please. I feel sorry for starbucks baristas. They are required to be the makers of perfection everytime. they must perfect every customers wants and desires in a single cup in 30 seconds or they will be confronted with angry, caffeine-addicted customers who will demand a free drink ticket to add to the plenty they have in their pockets.
Ok now i just want a cup of coffee. I crave Bean Scene coffee from Kelowna. it's the best. But then again, that's a whole other culture isn't it? the hippies who KNOW about the hole in the wall coffee shops who don't feel the need to hold a starbucks cup to feel important. but...i guess this world is about culture and choosing which we want to follow. You can't really avoid it. I choose the hippie one. i love hippies.

[waiting]

i feel like i'm waiting for something to happen. and there's this faint, strange, but definite excitement about what's to come. what's up? i don't know. maybe i'm excited for my internship, for living in europe for a few months, for finishing school, for taking some art classes, or maybe for something more immediate. for taking the youth group to a youth conference in november, for introducing a friend to the wonderful world of painting...i'm at a loss. i don't know what this feeling is. well whatever it is has led me to create a new blog. it's my travel blog. very premature i know, but i just wanted to be prepared. so one day, when i set foot on the open road i have a blog ready, waiting, to be used to scribble down my thoughts, the deets on where i am and how i'm doing. it will be interesting one day.

[www.journeywithdanielle.blogspot.com]

change it.

time goes by fast, time goes by slow, time goes by. life happens. it happens whether we enjoy it or we don't. i guess the past few months haven't been so enjoyable for me. i have a job and as a job it's great. i now run a youth ministry, and i love this ministry. i have a family which is awesome and i love being able to live near them and help them with their various ventures [which have recently included pulling the entire contents out of our pantry to make room for gazillions of jars of the world's best salsa]. so you may be thinking "well that sounds great, you shouldn't have anything to complain about". and that is very valid. i shouldn't. but i do. and i don't admire that aspect of myself, complaining is never attractive. of course lately it hasn't been complaining it's been more of exhausted, frustrated, ranting, venting sessions that my poor dear of a mother has to listen to and slowly speak simple words to help lower my blood pressure. ok i'm exaggerating, but ya i have been so exhausted lately. and i guess that's the problem. when you mix all these great things together it starts to form something overwhelming. when i get like this i know the solution. i know all the answers. i know that i need to chill out, make time for myself, say no to people, and stop feeling bad about it. but i learned something about myself recently. i am a people pleaser. i have labeled myself with that term and i'm working to get rid of it because i am constantly disappointed in myself when i don't meet up to other people's expectations of me. when i know i have failed someone, when i have let someone down, when someone is disappointed in me, it's like the milk has drained out of my cornflakes through a hole in the bowl and i'm left with the gloriously soggy remains. i hate that feeling. it's probably my second worst. yes i rate them.

so, with this feeling in mind i collapsed on the couch one evening and said out loud "i don't like my life right now!" for one being so opposed to drama all the time...go me. without skipping a beat my wise mother says "change it".
so i did. well, at least i'm trying. what has changed? basically just my attitude, my outlook on life, and realizing that i need to narrow down my priorities and focus on those. i can't take on people's expectations...those i need to get rid of. i need to know that i can do the unexpected when fully relying on the Maker of Time. i need to take every day as it comes. this is just part of the cycle for me. tomorrow i very well could be ranting and raving about how i don't have enough hours in the day and i just want to quit everything and move to malta (seriously have considered it). but for now, for tonight anyways, i'm going to trust. as my mom likes to say [wow mom, three shout-outs today, lucky lady!] it's not what you got, it's who you know. Ya, that's from Maid in Manhattan, she likes to pull out quotes from movies and make them spiritual, she's cool like that. peacing out...

lemonaid in the shade

that photo at the top of this page is not me. but i realized after putting it up that it very well could be me. if the weather let me, i would wear jeans and a hoodie every day, all year round. if life would let me, i would spend every day on the beach. the umbrella is not because i don't like the rain...because i do. it's a wall of protection. a wall that i've tried so hard to not build, but it was built anyways and one day i'll have to deal with that. one day. the balloon is because i need to hang on to whatever joy there is in everyday. sometimes there's more, sometimes less. but there is always joy to be found and i want to live a life of joy [joy and happiness are two separate words]. my number one hobby is laughing. i just love to laugh and i think everyone needs to have at least one good laughing sesh everyday. it's good for the body and the soul. 

i just can't leave God out of this, and i'm not apologizing. there's no way i can experience true joy without Him, or laugh while being completely carefree without being able to trust in Him and His purpose for my life, my future, my day. 

...bliss

raindrops are falling on my head

on a warm, rainy day in kelowna in the summer of '08, a girl decided to go for a run. going for runs in the rain was the best! but as she reached for her running shoes she pulled back, not wanting to restrict her feet to the padded walls of confinement. she opened the door and ran. and ran. and ran. she let the raindrops pour through her hair and down her face. she ran down the road and across busy streets, not stopping as people stared at her wondering why she wasn't wearing any shoes. the pavement was still warm. and she thought it felt nice to be grounded. to be that much closer to the earth God created. 

i hope that when days are rainy i can continue to make the most of it. to enjoy living in the rain. to get completely soaked and take it as a blessing. this is my prayer.

sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

at the cross you beckon me

draw me gently to my knees and i am

lost for words so lost in love

i'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

|Jeremy Riddle

i know that picture looks so bleak but that's how i feel sometimes...except there are a lot more pieces and the puzzle looks impossible to put back together. i'm done with trying to put the pieces back together myself. yes i'm broken, but that's where i need to be. i need to be desperate, i need to know without a doubt that there's no way i can do this on my own. i know that. 

you know what katy perry? at least he's hot or he's cold. it's better to be hot or cold than lukewarm [revelation 3:15-16]. i never want to be lukewarm. being numb and oblivious is so much more dangerous that facing your fears and calling yourself on your emotions. fear isn't wrong...letting fear rule your life is wrong and so unfortunate. unfortunate because fear will hold us back from great things. sometimes i think...oh, i don't need to challenge myself like that, or i don't need to step out in faith right now, because my life is pretty good. it's good enough. that's crap! good is often the enemy of great. never settle. keep your feet moving, going....run. 

being broken can be a very beautiful place. it's where i choose to lay down my pride and surrender. to become like a child, run to my Father's open arms, say "i'm here"...and then listen