for my dad.

i had been waiting to get a new car for a while. well...new to me. we finally found one. my brother and i were going to share it. i sucked him into naming our little beauty clementine. he wasn't too thrilled about that but i didn't care. the only trouble was, she was a standard and i still needed to learn.
my dad had taught us all to drive. once i practiced driving with my mom and i think i gave her a heart attack when she screamed to brake and i didn't do anything because i forgot which pedal was which and i figured if i made the wrong choice it would make it twice as worse. so dad was the driving instructor.
as i got behind the wheel again to learn standard i just remembered wishing it was over already. wishing i just already knew and didn't have to learn. My dad took me along all the back roads where there were no cars and for the first little while i was doing ok. things were looking up and i thought that maybe i could do this in a few hours. Then i came to a stop sign on a hill. I think it took me 10 tries to actually pull out of that stop sign. 10 tries, about 20 minutes, a couple cars passing me, and a few tears. After driving a little further i just was not getting it and i pulled over, defeated. my dad didn't say anything but just waited for me to finish crying. I was embarrassed that i was so upset but i felt that i would never learn and i would just have to accept it. I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached for the door handle. my dad asked what i was doing. I said i can't do it and he's going to have to drive home. he gently told me that he knows that i can do it, and it's me that is going to have to take us home. i wanted to give up so bad. i was so stressed out, and just wanted to be home and not think about it. But he didn't let me give up.

I don't know if he realized how much that has impacted my life. How much my dad teaches me about my heavenly father. That neither of them give up on me, or want me to give up on myself. Both are more patient with me than i deserve. Both show me how to work hard and persevere. And that when i fall, all they want to do is pick me up in their arms and hold me.

be honest. be kind.

it has hit me today just how drastically our culture has changed even over the past year. As the media is sitting in the drivers seat of our culture, that's where i look to first. I've been really aware of advertising lately. Which commercials do i like? why? one that catches my eye is this one by maybelline. I like it for many reasons, but did you catch the wording? there was one mention of "flawless", but other than that they completely went against the usual "get perfect looking skin" to showing your skin the way it was created to be. "fit me" instead of "fit the product". It even starts with "don't judge me, don't change me". The media knows that people have caught on to their secret of using perfection-driven advertising to create a beauty ideal that doesn't exist. Dove was one of the front-runners by taking a risk and shifting the world of beauty back to it's original state. From their first viral video 'evolution' to their controversial photo shoot, they foreshadowed this shift in the western culture of women. There has been an explosion of advertising with curvier, more natural women. The beauty ideal has become more honest.

People are tired of manipulation and deceptiveness. Give us the truth people! I've even noticed it in food advertising! And just the other day i saw on a cereal box: healthy, delicious, honest. How can a cereal be honest? This is the advertising industry jumping on the trend that people want authenticity. Sure, they're just doing what they can to make money. But hey...it's a good trend to be running on right now.
So many things about our culture has changed drastically. Has the church been left behind? Have we been so concerned with attracting people and drawing them in that we've lost our authenticity? people aren't looking for a show anymore. our culture is over-entertained. we all are just looking for a little honesty. and a lot more kindness. food for thought.

give someone a hug today

adventure awaits

the home stretch of five years and where oh where am i.
i have become collected while scattered. and let me explain.
i wear my heart on my sleeve. what you see is what you get. and what you get i give. whatever i do in life, i never want to miss out on anything. so that wherever i go, i breathe it in. whoever i meet, i try to love unconditionally. in this way, i have been scattered. pieces of me have been left behind with places, with people. home has become a fluid concept. my friendships have widened and deepened. when i am in any given place, with any given person, i am there. however there are still those pieces that are a part of me and are somewhere else. i guess this is the bittersweet symphony of reckless abandon.
quite a few times this has torn me apart. i have felt lost, alone, confused. those pieces of my memories, my present, and my future dreams seemed to collide and i could no longer organize them.

i have written before about my beautiful mess of a life. that i cannot change, and dont really want to. that's where i become collected. i am whole. because these scattered pieces are a part of the whole, beautiful, mess that i am. i guess if you wanted to catch a glimpse of my life and how i live it, you could watch me create something. i may start with paint. or paper. or a huge piece of cardboard. i never start with a plan, simply a piece of inspiration. i use my hands and strive to create texture in everything. it doesnt have to make sense. it often doesnt.
and who are we to try to make sense of the world? i would rather make a beautiful mess of these collected pieces, and have a damn good time doing it.