regret isn't in my vocabulary

sometimes learning is fun and sometimes learning feels like hell but i have LEARNED that learning is always necessary. i never want to be stuck in the same spot, doing the same routine. referring back to what i've wrote before, i never want to be oblivious and stuck in my own little box. i have learned that friends are important and you need to hold on to them no matter what. and do you know what charlie bartlett? there is more to life than being well liked. and i don't want to waste my life being concerned about how many people like me. i have learned that i prefer squished hard ice cream over soft ice cream, that i am a spender but i wish i was a saver, that i have a permagiggle, that i have the ability to consume large amounts of rice (pause to quote mitch hedberg: rice is great...if you are hungry, and want 2000 of something), and i have also learned that i will never stop learning.

and he will make me laugh

i don't even know why i bother making plans anymore. i feel like i only make plans so that i have something to satisfy people's questions...but the next time they see me they say "why aren't you in europe? are you graduated yet? i thought you were going to join the circus!" and i have to admit that my plans have changed again and i'm so weird even the circus rejected me. i'm in a place of trying to figure myself out. and it's hard when i have 'sort of plans' and 'tentative plans' and 'hopeful plans' and 'probably not plans' and i just don't know what's going to actually happen and what won't. i guess that's where i tell myself yet again to chill out, live in today, and let Someone a lot wiser take care of the rest. i guess i would call myself a dreamer. i have so many dreams i can't keep track of them. i guess one of my greatest fears is that i will die without ever accomplishing any of them. i'm tempted to throw myself halfway across the world in a situation completely foreign with no predetermined plans of what i am to do, and just see what happens. i think that in that situation i will begin to discover who i truly am. i want to be surrounded by people who know nothing about me. but then again, that's a pretty lonely thought.

this is real life

she lives her life as if she doesn't care what people think...because she doesn't. her ambitions and dreams are her own. her personality, style, decisions aren't affected by people's opinions. when she laughs she doesn't care if others don't think it's funny or perhaps others will be embarrassed for her...but she isn't. she isn't embarrassed for who she is. she doesn't dress to impress but to express. she orders whatever she wants and eats it all, not concerned about who's watching or thinking she's a pig. she doesn't need to check her hair in every window...not because her hair is perfect, but because it isn't and she doesn't care. she doesn't care about what sells, she creates what she feels like creating. she doesn't concern herself with matching her voice to the rest. she speaks on her own...and she speaks loud.


[who i hope to become]