how long will you wait?

what does it take to get people to acknowledge that God exists? I'm not even trying to get into the whole "if God is love why did this happen?" stuff. Let's just start with square one. Does he exist? Let's put it this way. Close your eyes and imagine you have lost everything. I mean....everything. Food, water, all material possessions, your home, your family, your friends, your job, your money, your identity, your country. everything. What will you do? WHAT will you turn to. will you call on your inner chi, your personal bubble of happiness to get you through? buddha? i really want to know what you have to turn to. Close your eyes and imagine that situation. what would you do. I know that in that situation, believer in Christ or not, your soul will long to cry out for Jesus. BECAUSE it's in our DNA. we are all created by him after all. It's like an adopted child who has grown up then one day realizes they feel lost. like they don't belong. Because their blood runs thick with something else. They go in search of their Father. Except in this case we were never left in abandonment. We simply left. Return. Return to the Father because really how long will you wait. Once you meet him, you will know that he is LOVE he is LIGHT and yes the world still spins around and NOT one person can explain death and destruction but can we all just turn to the One who brings life...[eternal].

i am sick...

...of people making me feel like an idiot. i feel so small. i hate feeling small. some people know how to do it quite well. how do i love them? in that moment of me shrinking into a grasshopper, how do i look up at that shoe coming down to squish me and love them? i try. in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt,

No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent

Well i give consent way too easily then.

second thought of the day, and a much happier one. so i have this "journey blog" right...like one where i am supposed to update people on where i am in the world and how my days in Europe are going and all that wonderful stuff. Well. what if i decided i don't want to go to Europe anymore? Because it's just not me. It might be fun to do with someone. But to go discover that stuff on my own? I don't think that is me. Aaaaaaand this process of discovering what is "me" and who i am and what i want, i realize has already begun. This is it. It's part of the adventure already. It doesn't start when i get on a plane or sit on a foreign beach or meet people with sweet accents. It is now. And i want it to be that way. i don't want to keep looking forward to the next big thing, the next lesson i will learn. I've been missing out on the everyday lessons God has for me. What can i do for you today God? today.


What DO i want? i want to hop into my beloved Clementine, throw a single suitcase into the back....ok make it a big one....and drive to California. Just go. Learn to surf. breathe in the sea. We'll call this Plan #72 or something like that...but maybe just maybe this one will fly.