[waiting]

i feel like i'm waiting for something to happen. and there's this faint, strange, but definite excitement about what's to come. what's up? i don't know. maybe i'm excited for my internship, for living in europe for a few months, for finishing school, for taking some art classes, or maybe for something more immediate. for taking the youth group to a youth conference in november, for introducing a friend to the wonderful world of painting...i'm at a loss. i don't know what this feeling is. well whatever it is has led me to create a new blog. it's my travel blog. very premature i know, but i just wanted to be prepared. so one day, when i set foot on the open road i have a blog ready, waiting, to be used to scribble down my thoughts, the deets on where i am and how i'm doing. it will be interesting one day.

[www.journeywithdanielle.blogspot.com]

change it.

time goes by fast, time goes by slow, time goes by. life happens. it happens whether we enjoy it or we don't. i guess the past few months haven't been so enjoyable for me. i have a job and as a job it's great. i now run a youth ministry, and i love this ministry. i have a family which is awesome and i love being able to live near them and help them with their various ventures [which have recently included pulling the entire contents out of our pantry to make room for gazillions of jars of the world's best salsa]. so you may be thinking "well that sounds great, you shouldn't have anything to complain about". and that is very valid. i shouldn't. but i do. and i don't admire that aspect of myself, complaining is never attractive. of course lately it hasn't been complaining it's been more of exhausted, frustrated, ranting, venting sessions that my poor dear of a mother has to listen to and slowly speak simple words to help lower my blood pressure. ok i'm exaggerating, but ya i have been so exhausted lately. and i guess that's the problem. when you mix all these great things together it starts to form something overwhelming. when i get like this i know the solution. i know all the answers. i know that i need to chill out, make time for myself, say no to people, and stop feeling bad about it. but i learned something about myself recently. i am a people pleaser. i have labeled myself with that term and i'm working to get rid of it because i am constantly disappointed in myself when i don't meet up to other people's expectations of me. when i know i have failed someone, when i have let someone down, when someone is disappointed in me, it's like the milk has drained out of my cornflakes through a hole in the bowl and i'm left with the gloriously soggy remains. i hate that feeling. it's probably my second worst. yes i rate them.

so, with this feeling in mind i collapsed on the couch one evening and said out loud "i don't like my life right now!" for one being so opposed to drama all the time...go me. without skipping a beat my wise mother says "change it".
so i did. well, at least i'm trying. what has changed? basically just my attitude, my outlook on life, and realizing that i need to narrow down my priorities and focus on those. i can't take on people's expectations...those i need to get rid of. i need to know that i can do the unexpected when fully relying on the Maker of Time. i need to take every day as it comes. this is just part of the cycle for me. tomorrow i very well could be ranting and raving about how i don't have enough hours in the day and i just want to quit everything and move to malta (seriously have considered it). but for now, for tonight anyways, i'm going to trust. as my mom likes to say [wow mom, three shout-outs today, lucky lady!] it's not what you got, it's who you know. Ya, that's from Maid in Manhattan, she likes to pull out quotes from movies and make them spiritual, she's cool like that. peacing out...

lemonaid in the shade

that photo at the top of this page is not me. but i realized after putting it up that it very well could be me. if the weather let me, i would wear jeans and a hoodie every day, all year round. if life would let me, i would spend every day on the beach. the umbrella is not because i don't like the rain...because i do. it's a wall of protection. a wall that i've tried so hard to not build, but it was built anyways and one day i'll have to deal with that. one day. the balloon is because i need to hang on to whatever joy there is in everyday. sometimes there's more, sometimes less. but there is always joy to be found and i want to live a life of joy [joy and happiness are two separate words]. my number one hobby is laughing. i just love to laugh and i think everyone needs to have at least one good laughing sesh everyday. it's good for the body and the soul. 

i just can't leave God out of this, and i'm not apologizing. there's no way i can experience true joy without Him, or laugh while being completely carefree without being able to trust in Him and His purpose for my life, my future, my day. 

...bliss

raindrops are falling on my head

on a warm, rainy day in kelowna in the summer of '08, a girl decided to go for a run. going for runs in the rain was the best! but as she reached for her running shoes she pulled back, not wanting to restrict her feet to the padded walls of confinement. she opened the door and ran. and ran. and ran. she let the raindrops pour through her hair and down her face. she ran down the road and across busy streets, not stopping as people stared at her wondering why she wasn't wearing any shoes. the pavement was still warm. and she thought it felt nice to be grounded. to be that much closer to the earth God created. 

i hope that when days are rainy i can continue to make the most of it. to enjoy living in the rain. to get completely soaked and take it as a blessing. this is my prayer.

sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

at the cross you beckon me

draw me gently to my knees and i am

lost for words so lost in love

i'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

|Jeremy Riddle

i know that picture looks so bleak but that's how i feel sometimes...except there are a lot more pieces and the puzzle looks impossible to put back together. i'm done with trying to put the pieces back together myself. yes i'm broken, but that's where i need to be. i need to be desperate, i need to know without a doubt that there's no way i can do this on my own. i know that. 

you know what katy perry? at least he's hot or he's cold. it's better to be hot or cold than lukewarm [revelation 3:15-16]. i never want to be lukewarm. being numb and oblivious is so much more dangerous that facing your fears and calling yourself on your emotions. fear isn't wrong...letting fear rule your life is wrong and so unfortunate. unfortunate because fear will hold us back from great things. sometimes i think...oh, i don't need to challenge myself like that, or i don't need to step out in faith right now, because my life is pretty good. it's good enough. that's crap! good is often the enemy of great. never settle. keep your feet moving, going....run. 

being broken can be a very beautiful place. it's where i choose to lay down my pride and surrender. to become like a child, run to my Father's open arms, say "i'm here"...and then listen

i tried to break down your walls...but now look at all of mine

this is for the one who is seeking for purpose and is wondering if there is any hope. let me promise you that there is always hope. even in the deepest part of the ocean in the coldest part of winter...hope remains. and as for your purpose, all i can say is faith. faith is the one thing that will keep you going, that will keep you trusting in the One who created you, and who created you with a purpose. there is a reason to live, a reason to life, a reason to dare to dream and live out your dreams. and if you're reading this and thinking i have no idea what you've been through and all this is a load of crap...you're right. because i don't know what you've been through...and it is a load of crap unless i add the most important part. love. the most underestimated and overused word in the history of mankind. love. four letters that changed the face of the planet more than two thousand years ago, yet so many remain clueless of the implications of Jesus Christ. love. there is hope because he loves you. you can have faith...you can trust him, because he loves you. love doesn't always make sense, love is rarely easy, but his love is perfect and complete. and remember, that his love looks nothing like ours. just remember that.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love | 1 Corinthians 13:12-13

 

attitude is everything

happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship,

for they will walk in the light of your presence Lord.

They rejoice all day long in your wonderful reputation.

They exult in your righteousness.

You are their glorious strength.

It pleases you to make us strong. | Psalm 89:15-17

i am finally living back at home. and oddly enough, i never thought i would be back here...but as always, God has other plans and i have to continually remind myself that God's plans for my life are good and only good despite what i may think. Even though i'm enjoying not having schoolwork...working full-time is very tiring as well, but more on the feet than the brain. attitude is totally everything. i could wake up every day, dreading going to work, treat customers like they're a nuisance, and go to bed grumpy...OR i could rejoice that it's a beautiful day, thank God for the opportunity to have conversations with interesting people every day literally from all over the world, and go to bed feeling satisfied. mmm that sounds so much better to me.

rejoice