how long will you wait?

what does it take to get people to acknowledge that God exists? I'm not even trying to get into the whole "if God is love why did this happen?" stuff. Let's just start with square one. Does he exist? Let's put it this way. Close your eyes and imagine you have lost everything. I mean....everything. Food, water, all material possessions, your home, your family, your friends, your job, your money, your identity, your country. everything. What will you do? WHAT will you turn to. will you call on your inner chi, your personal bubble of happiness to get you through? buddha? i really want to know what you have to turn to. Close your eyes and imagine that situation. what would you do. I know that in that situation, believer in Christ or not, your soul will long to cry out for Jesus. BECAUSE it's in our DNA. we are all created by him after all. It's like an adopted child who has grown up then one day realizes they feel lost. like they don't belong. Because their blood runs thick with something else. They go in search of their Father. Except in this case we were never left in abandonment. We simply left. Return. Return to the Father because really how long will you wait. Once you meet him, you will know that he is LOVE he is LIGHT and yes the world still spins around and NOT one person can explain death and destruction but can we all just turn to the One who brings life...[eternal].

i am sick...

...of people making me feel like an idiot. i feel so small. i hate feeling small. some people know how to do it quite well. how do i love them? in that moment of me shrinking into a grasshopper, how do i look up at that shoe coming down to squish me and love them? i try. in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt,

No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent

Well i give consent way too easily then.

second thought of the day, and a much happier one. so i have this "journey blog" right...like one where i am supposed to update people on where i am in the world and how my days in Europe are going and all that wonderful stuff. Well. what if i decided i don't want to go to Europe anymore? Because it's just not me. It might be fun to do with someone. But to go discover that stuff on my own? I don't think that is me. Aaaaaaand this process of discovering what is "me" and who i am and what i want, i realize has already begun. This is it. It's part of the adventure already. It doesn't start when i get on a plane or sit on a foreign beach or meet people with sweet accents. It is now. And i want it to be that way. i don't want to keep looking forward to the next big thing, the next lesson i will learn. I've been missing out on the everyday lessons God has for me. What can i do for you today God? today.


What DO i want? i want to hop into my beloved Clementine, throw a single suitcase into the back....ok make it a big one....and drive to California. Just go. Learn to surf. breathe in the sea. We'll call this Plan #72 or something like that...but maybe just maybe this one will fly.

why

why do those three letters hold so much weight. sometimes i wish we had more answers to our questions. but then again...if we knew the answers, would it make it better or worse?
how can we trust if we have all the answers.
today my prayers are with the heartbroken. may you trust in the maker of your heart. the one who knows your past, present, and future. he loves you. [and his love doesn't always make sense]

today's treasures

some thoughts of the moment...
~love the movie Julie and Julia. I just love the era that Julia Child lived in especially in Paris! I love Julie's style and she kinda reminds me of myself in a way. I love that they both have a passion to do something, and they just go for it and do it. Oh, and i would take Julie's super cute apartment any day.
~loving the tea mistos mmm
~just finished a project today that has been about a 3-month ordeal. I got in a little over my head and wouldn't have been able to finish it without my sister. It was quite a humbling, frustrating task and i am oh-so-glad that it's over.
~i am IN LOVE with my church. i haven't always been. getting into my teen years, my friends started dropping out of church or moving away and i was left alone. We have a lot of seniors and a few families in our church and i felt very out of place. Since spending this year at home i have realized how much of a family we are. putting my own desires [for friends] aside and helping out with the youth group i have almost forgot my loneliness. i have seen how excited the old people are to see the youth grow and be active in our church. i have seen parents come along side me and support me in whatever crazy ideas i have planned for their kids. i am amazed at how welcoming our church is to anyone who comes walking through the door; and also how nobody is seen as a "project" to fix but as a valuable, contributing member of our family no matter where they are in life. i have been blessed to grow up in this church and it will be a bittersweet goodbye in a couple months.
~in a couple months!! more like...55 days or something. so crazy. i will be leaving the beautiful, safe country of Canada into the unknown. no not like a jungle or anything, rather the well-traveled-but-unknown-to-me destination of Southern Europe. While i am excited...there are so many things i'm leaving behind. my wonderful family including my ever-changing, growing, adorable nephew [tear], my great job and the lovely people i work with, my AMAZING youth group who i will miss SO much. heck i might even miss my dog.
~God provides!! He has proved himself more than faithful this past week to my family, even providing my brother with the car he needs to move out in a month to do a course in nanaimo...a car which i will probably be using when i get back. keep it in one piece brotha!
~that's about all for tonight. now if only my room would clean itself...

and how beautiful it is

life is a mosaic. it is a puzzle. it is a song. life is a masterpiece.
life is a ......journey [oh so cliche...barf]. however you want to put it...life is a beautiful mess. and i wouldn't want to have it any other way. a masterpiece is never written or painted in a day. a masterpiece involves hundreds of crunched up papers, thousands of hours of hand-callousing jam sessions in someone's garage.

it's interesting living in a valley. because even in the depths of the valley, you can see the rivers flowing, the trees growing, life flourishing. you can look up and see the tip of the snow-covered mountains, you can look up and see the sun burning bright in the december sky. and then you can look around you and see people hurting, hearts broken, lives destroyed, girls lost, boys confused, families separated. i just wish i could take the hand of every hurting person, and point them in the Direction that will satisfy, that will answer, that will comfort, that will Love, that will fill the void. every person has their story. and every person waits for their story to turn into something beautiful.
i think i've written a note on this before but i feel like i've been thinking, drinking, breathing hope lately. Hope. hope.
–noun
1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best
-verb
2. to believe, desire, or trust

[ More Than Conquerors ] And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. | romans 8:28

just a bunch of silliness really

maybe one day these words will find a song. for now they are just some words.

riveted to this place is not
where i am to be but out there
anywhere please send
me i will go; just tell me I just want to feel free
or even dare to feel


gasp for breath above the tide
it will not pull you down. the sun
still shines baby can't you see the
starfish between my toes laugh
and seaweed twirls through my hair.
this is not your greatest enemy but a
friendship in conflict. little girl
stand up and laugh into the wind for
you are not one to be defeated.
the voice of defeat does not find roots in your song.


silly boy just hold her hand and take her
by the sea. there you will find the crashing waves
will drown out the sound of your pounding heart.
so chill little boy and smile for she holds you dear.

starsucks

This past weekend i found myself rushing to catch a ferry across the Georgia Strait to hang out with some great people for a day. Being 7:30 in the morning, i thought i would grab a cup of something hot to wake me up. So...i walked over to the Starbucks in the ferry terminal, stepped in line, and ordered my tall vanilla americano misto. Not that i'm a coffee snob or anything, i just like options, and if there's options, i will take them. especially if i'm paying 3.75 for it. However, as we were being herded into the ferry like a bunch of cattle i noticed something disturbing...i glanced quickly around to see if i could find anyone NOT holding a Starbucks cup. With the dozens of people surrounding me, i could only find a couple. i don't know why this disturbed me so much. I wished that i had brought my own travel mug, letting the world know that i value saving the environment. Or i wished i had purchased coffee on my way there from a small lesser-known coffee company letting everyone know that i know a little secret place that makes the best coffee for half the price of Starsucks. I felt like a conformist. like one of them...one of everybody. and it bothered me. Geez danielle it's just a cup of coffee! but i couldn't handle it, i threw it in the first garbage can i saw. It was a crappy vanilla americano misto anyways. I don't think i'm going to completely boycott starbucks because in that way i'll label myself as a person who boycotts starbucks and this will raise questions from people and thus draw further attention to myself. By not wanting to be a conformist, it doesn't mean i want to stand out. i just want to be me. I want to be like Donald Miller and not feel the need to buy something at every pit stop just to feel different about myself. I don't want to hold a starbucks cup like it's part of my identity. Do you feel less important if you're holding a cup from 7-11? Do they actually have the best coffee or is that just what we tell ourselves so we can fit into this coffee culture who demands their Quad Grande 3-pump Mocha 3-pump Vanilla Light Mocha Drizzle Light Whip Cafe Mocha...oh and make that extra hot please. I feel sorry for starbucks baristas. They are required to be the makers of perfection everytime. they must perfect every customers wants and desires in a single cup in 30 seconds or they will be confronted with angry, caffeine-addicted customers who will demand a free drink ticket to add to the plenty they have in their pockets.
Ok now i just want a cup of coffee. I crave Bean Scene coffee from Kelowna. it's the best. But then again, that's a whole other culture isn't it? the hippies who KNOW about the hole in the wall coffee shops who don't feel the need to hold a starbucks cup to feel important. but...i guess this world is about culture and choosing which we want to follow. You can't really avoid it. I choose the hippie one. i love hippies.