i don't even know why i bother making plans anymore. i feel like i only make plans so that i have something to satisfy people's questions...but the next time they see me they say "why aren't you in europe? are you graduated yet? i thought you were going to join the circus!" and i have to admit that my plans have changed again and i'm so weird even the circus rejected me. i'm in a place of trying to figure myself out. and it's hard when i have 'sort of plans' and 'tentative plans' and 'hopeful plans' and 'probably not plans' and i just don't know what's going to actually happen and what won't. i guess that's where i tell myself yet again to chill out, live in today, and let Someone a lot wiser take care of the rest. i guess i would call myself a dreamer. i have so many dreams i can't keep track of them. i guess one of my greatest fears is that i will die without ever accomplishing any of them. i'm tempted to throw myself halfway across the world in a situation completely foreign with no predetermined plans of what i am to do, and just see what happens. i think that in that situation i will begin to discover who i truly am. i want to be surrounded by people who know nothing about me. but then again, that's a pretty lonely thought.
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